The night before last I finally heard from my boyfriend. He was on his way to Missouri for a business trip with his boss and decided to text me and break up with me yet again. I fought it a little bit trying to tell him it's his disorder talking but he had none of it. I surrendered because I know in his current state, me fighting for us will only do more harm then good. He says this is the last time, that we both need to move on, but of course he has said that every time. I don't know if this will last or if we will get back together next week. There is no way of telling. I need to live like it is the final time though just in case. And if it isn't, I'll just be more prepared next time.
I know it's crazy to stay with someone who is constantly pushing you away, I know that. It's so hard to make the right decision when you don't know the end. I love him with everything in me and I will always love him to some extent. If we never get back together, I will remember the joy he brought me, the happiness though fleeting. I will never bad mouth him for I know he's a wonderful person.
I'll keep this blog going for a while just to see what happens with him, otherwise it will change from "My boyfriend is bipolar" to something more accurately descriptive of my life.
Though I have only posted a few times prior to our split, I feel letting everything out has helped. I may start seeing a therapist to help further in the future but for now, blogging has worked wonders.
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