...since we last spoke, with the exception of two texts he sent at midnight on Saturday in which he attempted to break up with me (again). I told him no, that it was his bipolar talking, and to take as long as he needs to get out of his current low.
In the past when he would disappear from me, I would freak out. It would be three days of me sending him messages in anger of not hearing from him before he would show up and we would break up.Usually he would come back about two weeks later telling me he loves me and we would get back together.
It is obvious that me panicking in this situation did not help AT ALL. This time I am taking a different approach. I can feel when he is about to enter into depression, he has a different energy about him. I was able to prepare myself for it this time which put me into a more understanding state of mind. I send him at least one text each day quickly expressing my support or my love for him and maybe something funny that happened to me. I call him once a day just as a check in, even though I know he won't be picking up. I feel as long as I make my presence known, he will know that I have no intention of leaving.
We spent New Year's Eve at the house of one of his friends in a small get together. The entire night he was very distant emotionally. Had we not already made plans to spend that holiday together, I know his withdrawal from would have started that day instead of the following. Alas, we spent the evening together and he kissed me at midnight. We ended the night with another kiss when I dropped him off at his house (he was drinking, I'm a permanent designated driver due to my alcohol allergy). I knew I was not going to hear from him for a couple days at least due to his obvious emotional distress. Knowing this ahead of time was very beneficial for my own emotions.
This entire relationship has been a complete learning experience. Everything has been trial-and-error. I don't know if it will pay off in the end, I don't know if we will be together in the long run. That doesn't matter to me. Being with my boyfriend has taught me I can only live in the moment. There is no telling when he will get low again so I savor every precious moment we have together while he is balanced. Neither of us wants children and I have never seen myself as a married women so living without thinking about where our relationship will be in 5 years makes everything a little less stressful. I love him. I know he loves me. That is all that matters. Today.
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